It didn't used to hurt this bad....

LAST NIGHT WAS A BLAST!!!!!!!!! This morning HURTS!!!!!

It was dance night again last night. Food prep was even fun, then we had our local Christmas parade, had to stop the parade for half of it to leave for a fire...

Dance time, djing wasn't so bad this time around, got to do my thing for the most part. Had a good time with friends, had a little too much to drink, ended up out AFTER the dance, had fun despite avoiding certain people.

Almost walked right outta the bar as soon as I walked in, I miss having him as a friend, I truly do, but I'm scared, finally started putting the pieces back together . I miss having him around to talk to, and last night would've been a lot more fun if I hadn't had to focus so much attention on trying to stay outta the same space he was around.

Am I strong enough to be friends with someone I was in love with for so long, and inflicted so much pain? I'm the one that let my guard down and let myself get confused about what exactly was going on. Am I stupid for wanting to be able to at least coexist with him for the fact we have many common friends and chances are when I'm out with them, he may end up there too?

I don't want to pour my heart out to him and go to him with everything, the days of him being the closest person to me are over. The last 2 times we've been in the same place, things have been alright. I've spent more time those 2 times trying to stay away from him, hence taking away from my fun evening. I didn't even cry til last night when he apologized for all the things he'd done to hurt me, pointing out things individually...

When I started this post I had planned on focusing on the fact that I'm feeling older in the fact that I didn't have that much to drink last night and the next morning after a night out didn't used to hurt so bad.....guess I got a little off track.

May be back.....feeling a little philosophical today.