Tribute to a lost friend...

Saturday it will be 10 years since you have been gone. I can't believe so much time has passed. You were so wise, and you never once seemed bothered when the little teenage and younger pain I was came following you around.

You never batted an eye when I asked a question or for advice. You were always so willing for a hug or a kind word when I needed it the most.

I sat and cried the other day when I thought of you, cause I didn't think I could remember your voice, and clear as day I heard you tell me to stop it that you were right here with me. I know your there, I can feel you sometimes, as well as the other wonderful people we've lost.

I talk to you when I feel overwhelmed, and I feel comfort in knowing that you are out there somewhere listening to me. Sometimes I swear your right there beside me. You guys all like to mess with me when I'm up there by myself sometimes, just to keep me on my toes, and I know when the cards and chips come out, that ur there too.

You taught me a lot in the time I knew you, and I have kept that with me. Even years after you were called home you and things you have said factored into the choices I've made.

For that I'm proud to have been able to call you my friend.

So as I sit and reflect, thank you, for the laughs, the advice and the friendship. And I raise my glass to you now as I honor you my friend. You are loved and sadly missed.

Theme for my life.

I could not live without music. It helps me get thru my day when I don't want bothered with listening to peoples nonsense at work or just gets me motivated sometimes. Not to mention I love to dance!

So sometimes there are things in life that you listen to a song and the words sound like they've been ripped out of your life.

I've had a hard time 'starting over' Tuesday was a year that all that tangled mess started, being around him the other night I realized that the person he is now ISN'T who I wanted anyway....I wanted the one that made me his world, what seems now like forever ago, not the person he is now. Saw a glimpse of that old person the night I made him cry. But he's so far buried I don't think he'll ever get out.

Tattoo, by Jordin Sparks

Sick of playing all of these games
It’s not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror didn’t deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop
Admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I’ve gotta be strong and leave you behind

I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realized nothing’s broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back at got a new direction
I loved you once needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you

My happy Ending Avril Lavigne
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

And then on a much nicer note.......there are things you get surprised with when you aren't looking....I stopped looking, and am pretty sure I found someone showing an interest in me that isn't someone that needs 'to be fixed' I tend to be drawn towards 'broken people' you can't fix broken people. Something in me seems to find those that are in need of something and I fill the gap for a while, until in their eyes 'something better comes along'. I don't know what to make of it, I know I'm not reading much into it, but from the sounds of it I was sure topic of conversation yesterday....

All at once, by The Fray makes me smile (of course Her doesn't apply here)
There are certain people

You just keep coming back to

She is right in front of you.

You begin to wonder

Could you find a better one

Compared to her now

She's in question.



And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and

The right thing are the same.



Maybe you want her

Maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare

To someone not there.


Alright, now I must go do my volunteer duty and deal with the bingo ladies :( Wish me luck!

Ready to explode!

Its REALLY REALLY been one of those days!

The last few days have been GOOD, to put it mildly. Last weeks chaos has slowly settled itself down, dad got home, is back to work. Got thru the weekend and an interesting to say the least Saturday evening. Work was even OK yesterday, had a blast watching the game last night, and our Steelers WON!!! WOOHOOOO

Today has just been one of those days where nothing seems to go right. Got denied leave for dad if there is any more medical problems, then got chewed out for putting food on top of the fridge in the cafeteria. Last time I checked the food was SUPPOSED to go in the cafeteria.....where else would you like me to put it? If she'd have given me the opportunity I'd have very well shoved it where the sun didn't shine for her this morning! Well, top that with a person overhearing a small portion of a conversation and pissing me the hell off!

Story went on about me telling someone Saturday night that I wasn't stupid, I'm just a bit slow to wise up and get myself straightened out when some people are involved. Up chimes the evil bird telling me to keep telling myself that and they wouldn't tell me any different. I got upset, never turned around and so kindly thanked her for the insult, cranked my music as loud as I could possibly stand it and ignored from that point on.

Okay, look bitch! I'm FAR FROM STUPID! I know I may not make the wisest choices sometimes in my life, and give people far too much credit than they deserve sometimes. But if I'm stupid I am not alone LADY!

And on top of it all, I sat and let it bother me all day, I held the tears in as long as I could, got home and fell apart. If it was meant as a joke it sure was a nasty one.

I HATE IT THERE. If it weren't for a few people I'd be crazy insane!

Fun to be had!

Being a volunteer has a lot of responsibilites, but sometimes it has some fun moments. You have the trainings and the classes, and the meetings, the incessant 'beep beep beep' in the middle of the night at times, to go help someone in need. And then there are the fundraisers... cause if you don't make money to keep the building up and running and put fuel in the trucks and buy and maintain equipment, you aren't any help to anyone else when they need you.

So when you think fire departments, you think, boot drives, bingos, raffles and 'bash's (gun, cash, etc.). Then sometimes we can sneak something fun in there, fun for us as well that is. As long as I can remember (Rae I'm gonna borrow parts here) the first Saturday of every month was 'Oldies Dance day'. My fire department holds a dance, we call them Firehall dances now, was time for a change, cause its not all oldies anymore. Saturday morning we set the hall (if the guys weren't nice enough to set it Friday night during 'coffee night') cover the tables and make the food. I remember being a small child, Rae's dad and brother running off for their monthly haircut and coming back with "Dixon's donuts" and then having major battles with the table cover rolls and boxes as they got emptied.

Well, as I've grown, I am now allowed to help with the cooking, (scary I know) and I have started learning the world of djing... So tonight proves to be fun, we have lots of our friends joining us for the evening for good music, better company and what will it hurt if we shake our bootay's a bit? Add a little adult beverage and it could be for a crazy night!

Can anyone say bring on the jello shots?